{"title":"The beginning of TIME","description":"\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e4.26\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDear Sienna, \u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eTime. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThey say\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003ethat \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003etime\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e heals all wounds. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWhat they don’t tell you is that \u003cstrong\u003etime\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e only heals you if you let it. \u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e…\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSorry, it’s been a minute since I’ve last written to you. But also, not that sorry, because yo’ girl needed a couple of mental health weeks (months?) and let's be honest: life is too short not to take them, \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem\u003eam I right?\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eIt’s been a year and some change since you’ve died and I can confidently say that I’ve welcomed the inevitability of time wash over me with each new passing day. I am happy to report that I am no longer swimming against its invisible current; who knew that fighting something so inescapable could be so exhausting…I’ve fought the inevitability of time over the course of last year, seeking forgiveness in corners that no longer existed. In many ways I wished that time would just stand still, forever leaving a piece of me in hospital room 333… But life doesn’t work like that and neither does time. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eTik, tok, tik, tok, tik, tok…\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSo how has time changed me? \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBetter yet, how have I changed over time? \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eFor starters, I don’t cry as much when I think about you. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eIf I’m being honest, some days I don’t think about you at all.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cem\u003eIs that a bad thing to say? \u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eTime has a funny way of juggling around the things that hurt us. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThere was a time where I was convinced that I’d never leave \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003ethat\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e place, keeping our last moments together suspended in the air as I juggled what else comes with this grief; passing the balls between anger, hate, resentment and pain… The lesson only time can teach you is that I may not be able to control the sands of time from falling through the hourglass but what I can control is what I choose to keep in my orbit and how I choose to remember you. With each passing day I’ve chosen to switch out those invisible orbs with ones that bring me light: my friendships, my family, the twenty four amazing years I got to spend with you. I’ve taken this small hiatus of mine and filled it with laughter, joy and a lot of f*cking dancing. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cem\u003eI know you were there dancing with me…did you have just as much fun as I did? \u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003eNot wanting to break them wide open, I’ve taken the pain of our past and have gently laid it down inside of my heart; with it, the memory of letting you go.  These moments will forever be threaded in the parts of me that make me whole, but the pain attached to them is no longer something I want to keep orbiting around. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003eTik, tok, tik, tok, \u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003etik, tik, tik,\u003c\/strong\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003ethat ticking sound played on a continuous loop as we counted down the minutes till you flatlined, haunting me till I accepted its natural fate of having to move forward. But sometimes, Sienna, forward motion looks like having to say goodbye; it also looks like forgiveness. With each passing tik of the clock I have forgiven you for leaving me, but more importantly, I have forgiven myself for the things I simply cannot control. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eI have found that with time comes \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eacceptance\u003c\/strong\u003e.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eI have accepted this new fate without you, I have accepted the pain that comes with it, and now I choose to accept the happiness I find in the moments that come after. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eForgive me, Sienna, \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem\u003eI know that you have. \u003c\/em\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThank you for showing me that I can forgive myself. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eI love you. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cem\u003eLove, \u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cem\u003eSissy \u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","products":[],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0793\/4171\/5710\/collections\/screen-shot-2016-10-21-at-1-46-43-pm_png.webp?v=1777148556","url":"https:\/\/mkynsp-jj.myshopify.com\/collections\/youre-a-god.oembed","provider":"the letter_33","version":"1.0","type":"link"}